I have been in a relationship for seven months now. Four of those months we have been long distance, I am now in Indonesia and she is still in China. We have an amazing relationship when we are together but when we’re apart I am the problem. I worry excessively. Not that she will be unfaithful or anything like that. I trust her. We have known each other for four years and been friends who grew closer for two of those years. Each of us was secretly falling in love with the other but neither of us had the nerve to outright tell each other how we felt.
It built to a head and we finally ended up getting together. For the first time in my life someone loved me for who I really am. All my other relationships, including three marriages, were all built on me not being myself but being who I thought the other person would love. I would say what I thought I should, do what I thought I should and in the end grew more and more resentful poisoning the relationships because I thought deep down I was broken and unlikeable or loveable because of childhood issues.
All that is different with her.
But when we’re apart I am overly sensitive and worried that she is irritated or bothered or angry with me over little things. She says she isnt and that I apologise or adjacent apologise too much. I think I am worried about being abandoned over something that would never be an issue when we are with each other.
I need help.
How do I relax and trust that she loves me and nothing will change that? What do I do when I start to worry and obsess that something might be bothering her? It never is but I keep doing it. I dont want this to be the thing that causes problems, worrying that there are problems when there arent any.
I think your past is affecting your relationship. You need to be confident about yourself and try not to think that you’ve done things wrong. Try and forget about past relationships as you don’t want to let them affect the way you are now. It sounds like she really is there for you and you need to believe that or you could push her away if you don’t trust her. Try to think positive about your relationship and think of all the good things because that will help to make you feel better. It can be hard to move on from you’re past, but it sounds like your new relationship is a lot more real that the others, and you’re being yourself. Just try not to worry too much because she obviously loves you, so you have no reason to worry. I hope things work out for you :) Soph x